May has Come and Gone

This was our life in quarantine.  We filled our month with rainy day art...

Flower gear gardens...

Indoor kitty picnics...

Playground birdseed bakery...

Reading...

Tower building...

Dandelion running...

Splash pad sprinkling...

Sit n' spinning...

Toddler "Elephant" turned 18 months this month!

We hope the world will return to safe socializing soon because we miss preschool friends coming and learning with us!  If you have more questions or are interested in our program, please contact Ms. Harmony at harmonyhutson@gmail.com.

Toddler Aggression: The Reasons and the Responses

Toddlers are super cute, but they can be super hurtful as well!  There are several reasons that toddlers behave aggressively, and being a sociopath is typically not one of them!  ;)  Take a breath... when your small child hits, they are very much like most toddlers out there.

Although feelings are always okay, certain actions are not because they are hurtful.  As teachers, caregivers, and parents, we need to respond to our toddler aggressors in a way that helps them develop prosocial skills.  To do this, we need to determine the function (the why) of the behavior.  Depending on the child's motive in the situation, our response to the child must differ.

Below you will find different strategies for responding to aggressive behaviors according to the behavior's function.  Be prepared to use many strategies with the child.  Be ready for it to take a few months for the child to incorporate new replacement behaviors.  Be patient, with yourself and the child.

Attention Seeking

• Young children figure out right away that hurtful actions get a lot of attention from grownups!  (We naturally want to prevent other children or ourselves from getting hurt right?)  Negative attention is still attention, and counts to the young attention seeker.
• Strive for five: for every one criticism/correction/redirection you give, strive to find five positive things to also share with the child.  ("Yes!  Your hands are pinching play-doh!  That is a great choice.  You look like you are having fun.)  This does two things: the child feels capable of making good choices, being a nice friend, and that you care about him/her.  Additionally, it helps you maintain positive feelings toward the child and avoid the rut of, "Sigh.  Why do you ALWAYS hurt people?!"  Likely, the child does not ALWAYS engage in negative behaviors and pointing the positives out to the child helps you as the adult remember this too.  CONNECTION.
• Respond to the victim first.  "Are you okay?  Let's get you... cleaned up, back on your feet, etc. Did you like what happened?  Let's tell your friend that..."
• Respond to the aggressor second.  "You pushed... (enter hurtful behavior) your friend.  You were upset... (enter applicable emotional label) and didn't know what to do."  
• Be sympathetic so the child is able to hear your message.  If you are angry the child will be defensive or possibly afraid.  The brain will not be able to incorporate the next part of the exchange as readily due to that stress.
• Continue: "You MAY NOT hurt your friend.  That is NOT okay.  You may do... (this or that) instead.  Let's practice that now."

Sensory or Motor Seeking

• The growing child's body craves movement and challenges!  This is one way both hemispheres of the brain learn to communicate and synchronize.  We want children to learn about their bodies, the environment, and how to interact with the people and the world.
• Hitting, kicking, and throwing are developmental milestones that we expect young children to meet, and they will typically practice these behaviors until they achieve mastery.  In certain circumstances, it is very appropriate to hit, throw, poke, pinch, or kick.  
• Redirect hitting/kicking/throwing/pinching behaviors from peers to play-doh, instruments, pillows, beanbags, balls, and/or toys where it is okay to hammer.  
• Redirect biting to chewable jewelry.

Undeveloped Social/Emotional Understanding

• Because children this age are so young, they haven't yet learned to distinguish the idea that people and animals are different from objects because they have feelings.  They haven't learned perspective-taking yet, and so they are unaware that they might be hurting a friend and that friend has different feelings about what is happening than the instigator does.  This lack of social/emotional development (which is totally NORMAL for this age!) can lead to treating friends as objects.
• This behavior might look like spontaneous, unprovoked injuring of another person.  Small children find that peers respond consistently to pain with howls, crying, etc. in the same way that maracas respond to shaking, piano keys respond to hitting, and pegs respond to hammering.  The aggressor is enjoying the consistency or sound of the response because they don't understand that what they are doing hurts.  People are not instruments or toys, and people have feelings.
• To teach social emotional awareness, try this: "Look at your friend's face.  That's sad (hurt, angry, etc.- label the feeling)  They didn't like that.  To help our friend feel better, we need to apologize.  Say, 'I'm sorry I hurt you.  I will use soft hands next time.'"
• Outside of the conflict, intentionally plan opportunities to teach social emotional awareness: 
• sing "If You're Happy and You Know It" with different emotions.  Use dramatic facial expressions for each feeling and invite the children to do the same.  Explain what caused the feeling: "I am sad because biting hurts!  I hurt so I cry!"
• read books and point out the faces and feelings of the characters, explain the cause and effect of those feelings in the plot
• play with the mirror- children like making faces in the mirror, use this as an opportunity to talk about feelings versus body parts and features
• role play- pretend to be an animal or person, act and talk the way someone else would
• connect with past experiences- "Remember when your friend hit you and you were really sad?  That's how Johnny feels right now."

Undeveloped Communication Skills

• Toddlers have better RECEPTIVE language than EXPRESSIVE language.  This means that they understand what you say a lot more than what they can say themselves.  Let's face it, actions come out faster than words at this age.  Even if the small child knows what to say, s/he may forget to use words in the heat of the moment.  
• Teach social and problem solving language.  Intervene when a child makes a grab for a toy in another's hands and prevent a potential fight.  Prompt the child to use words, "You want that toy.  Let's ask first before we take: 'Sally, can I have that cat?'  'Oh, Sally isn't done yet.  Sally tell her, 'You can have it when I'm done.'"
• Teach and model the words for sharing (using the toy together at the same time), trading (exchanging a toy for the one you want), and waiting for a turn (eg. using a timer).  Resolving problems with these tools demonstrates respect for other's feelings and fosters positive feelings between friends.
• Practice taking turns in speaking and listening.
• Use consistent language with the child so they learn what your words/instructions mean: "Use soft touches" or "Your friends like nice hands..."
• The younger the children, the simpler the language (both vocabulary and number of words)

Undeveloped Executive Functioning

• Executive functioning skills are higher level brain functions.  They allow you to choose your response instead of responding with emotion.  They allow you to delay gratification.  They allow you to make plans, and review how they went.  They allow you to use logic amongst other things... and they are continuously developing in a person until s/he is a young adult.  Therefore, we cannot expect young children to cope with the environment and people in the same capacity as an adult.  But we CAN support the development of executive functioning skills within the child.
• Be consistent with redirection and consequences.  For example, the child might need to lose privileges if s/he is repeatedly acting in hurtful ways.  A logical consequence is that the child must walk away from the activity where the hurtful behavior was occurring.  Perhaps the child requires the use of a time-out or calm-down place.  Remember that negative consequences cannot be the only response to replacing these behaviors with positive ones.  
• It is critical to maintain a positive relationship with the aggressive child and be the child's "safe place" while providing consistent redirection and consequences.  When the child decides that s/he is "just a bad kid" or that the teacher "can't be pleased" then s/he will likely stop trying to improve.  Don't create a self-fulfilling prophecy for the child.
• Maintain proximity to help the child in the heat of the moment make the best choice instead of waiting to clean up the aftermath.
• Let age and maturity work magic on your efforts.  It will happen for each child at a different time in a different way.  Every day, every minute, YOU get to help build this child's brain.

It's Been a Hard Day's... Morning

...And we've been working like dogs!  :P

We have been mixing colors in the Art Area to create Fall hues with our new roller brushes.

We've been making play doh creations with cut straws, fuzzy sticks, and googly eyes.  Some of the creations ended up being monsters or porcupines.  :)

Our House Area fun has included using the new microphones and blow-up guitars.  Sometimes we make up our own words, and sometimes we sing songs that we know.  Baby "K" likes everyone to wear sunglasses in the band.

Lastly, here are some photos of the Toy and Puzzle Area plans of late.  Friend "K" likes to open these letter acorns.  Inside are small toys that begin with the same letter and sound printed on the outside of the acorn.  She dumps them all out, then matches the uppercase and lowercase letters (acorn with cap), and finds the corresponding small toy to put inside.

We have enjoyed many puppet shows depicting friendship themes such as sharing toys, taking turns, helping a friend in need, checking on a hurt friend, and telling jokes.  :)

The school friends have been creative using the Lego Duplos, fabric scraps, and baby counters to make cribs and play spaces for the babies.  Baby "K" is learning to work next to her friends without climbing on their work or taking their plans.  The school friends have learned to tell Baby "K," "This is my work.  You can have these... (blocks, pieces, babies, etc.)"

It is always a good day at Harmony's House when you see the school friends learning and growing in play skills, socialization, and cognitive abilities.  Great work friends!  You make your teacher's heart happy!  :)

Tell Me a Story... about Friends

This week for one Small Group activity, we used fabric squares and Little People to create a story about friends.  First we chose which person we wanted to be.  Then we looked at the fabric squares and decided where our story would happen.  We used blue fabric to be a swimming pool; the balloon fabric pieces were for the birthday party; the flower fabric is where we would picnic.

Ms. Harmony chose to be this boy named "Nick."  He was six and introduced himself to everyone at the park.  He especially liked jumping off the diving board at the pool.

Friend "S" chose to be the baby and Mommy in the story.  The baby wasn't big enough to jump off the diving board, so "Nick" played with the baby on the steps of the water.  We can play with people who are smaller than us.

Friend "B" was a girl named "Sophie" who was three.  She liked jumping off the diving board with "Nick" and carried the PBJ sandwiches in her purse for the picnic.  She shared sandwiches with everyone at the park.

Friend "K" was a girl named "Kaylee."  She didn't want to join us in the pool, but she did participate at the picnic in the garden.  Sometimes friends like to do the same activities as you, and sometimes they'd rather do something else.  To be a good friend, you have listen to other's ideas too.  This is why "Nick," "Sophie, "baby," and "Mommy" went to the garden after swimming, instead of swimming the whole time.

What makes this activity so interesting is that it is 100% open-ended.  From the Little People to the setting to the plot, the school friends use their imaginations, language, and real life experience to tell a story.  Through play, they met the developmental objectives to

• make a plan
• use objects to symbolically represent something real
• balance the rights of self and others
• take turns in conversation
• use empathy to animate the characters
• develop a story with a beginning, middle, and end
• practice elements of friendship including self-introductions, invitations to play, joining others in play, playing with children of different ages and abilities, talking about sharing, taking turns, and trading, etc.

That's a whole lot of objectives that we practiced in a simple activity for a few minutes!  But the benefits are immediately obvious when the school friends leave the table and begin Work Time.  They take the language and ideas and apply them to their own plans.  Following this activity, we saw more collaborative play between the three school friends and they were more successful in including Baby "K" in their plans as well.

Art, with a Little Help from our Friends

Today we did an art project for Small Group that we couldn't do alone!  We needed friends to make this possible, and we had to communicate with each other during the process.  First we put paint in bowls and dipped an assortment of sensory balls in each color.

After tossing all the balls into the swimming pool covered with paper, we stood up and made the balls roll around, and even bounce like popcorn.  We decided who was going high, low, and when to shake it or jump up and down.  We put it down together to add more paint to the balls, and picked it up at the same time in a team lift.  This was super fun!